It’s the last day of 2019!!! Oh my gosh! Time really flies so fast! So here I am again, doing my year in review.
This year has been difficult especially the last quarter of year 2019. In fact, the past 4 years has been extremely challenging for me. I felt as though I fell to depression because while I was able to survive so much difficulties in life, there’s a limit too. I can get tired and disheartened. I was at that stage this 2019. And I say, it’s okay to embrace that feeling of defeat, disappointment and sadness, this world is too cruel. We can’t always be a fighter. In order for us to get back again in living this judgmental world, we need to recharge. And that’s what I intend to do in 2020.
For now, I’m focusing on the lessons I learned this 2019. There is a lot and I’ve made some difficult choices but I feel it’ll be good for me in the long term (especially for my mental health).
But first, a progress report of the 2019 goals I set during the 1st day of the year. I did achieve a big goal this 2019 and I’m proud of it! Considering I stopped aiming for perfection, I felt I did good. I do need to set realistic targets though so I can have better results overall.
Get MS Azure Solutions Architect Certification – the MS Azure Solution Architect certification consists of 2 exams. I was able to pass AZ-300. On top of that, I also got the AZ-900 (MS Azure fundamentals) certification. I still lack AZ-301 to achieve the goal. I’ll get it this January 2020!
Learn to Play Piano – I continued with my lessons but I didn’t go far as I didn’t get to manage to do any practicing outside of the sessions. I don’t know if I can get back on track for 2020 but will do my best!
Reach 110 pounds – I achieved this!!!! I’m actually now down to 107 pounds from 120 pounds when the year started! On top of that, I also reduced my body fat from 27.4% to 21.1%! How cool is that? 🥰
Build Emergency Funds – I got to build 80% of my target. Completing this during the first quarter of 2020.
Rediscover Photography – I was only able to buy gears but didn’t get to even practice or build my skill in photography. Don’t think I can pursue it this coming 2020 either. But let’s see if I can squeeze it in!
Launch YouTube Channel – 2 years in a row that I still wasn’t able to do this. I’ll scrap this goal until I’m really ready.
Read 12 Books – Another failed attempt since my brain got so fried with all the professional certification that I was aiming to achieve. I’ll go back to reading books leisurely when I got all the certifications that I aimed to get.
Organize Home & Organize Digital Files – this is a very long process considering my OC-ness. I intend and I’m deliberately putting this as my #1 priority goal for 2020.
There is one huge decision that I made this year. This contributed to my sadness and gloominess during the latter part of 2019. However, while I did have time to process my emotions, I still believe I made the right decision to leave the church. At the start, I was deadset on not joining any church life in the future. But after reflecting for some time, I think I might give it a shot in the future. However, it might be a different church. Because I still love the Lord…
This will be controversial but this is my truth. There’s just lots of hypocrisy, toxicity and intrusion in the church. And guess what? 80% of the people going to the church? They’re just doing it out of habit, culture and for image purposes. When a situation occurs, you’ll find out their real colors. Most will just give in to society norms and do cruel & judgmental things to people who are courageous enough to live against the norms (e.g., LGBT, annulments, standing up to abuse, etc) despite it NOT being written in the Bible. What’s worse? there’s also no accountability for people doing evil deeds in the church. Because guess what? they blame it on Satan. Guys, there’s such a thing as free will. They know what they are doing. It’s not Satan, it’s THEM. So victims of abuse, death threats and character assassinations will continue to suffer in that toxic environment who nurtures abusers & highly privileged bad people. The only unfortunate incidents acceptable in the church is sickness and accidents. Anything related to mental health and abuse will continue to be suppressed and dismissed.
My biggest learning on this is not to give power to anyone to judge and dictate what you should do in your life. That means keeping your life private as much as possible. You love God? then focus only in worshipping the Lord and living your life according to His teachings. Don’t let those “people” control you. They’re not God. You know your life better. In the end, you’re accountable to God not them and definitely NOT society.
Empathy is a rarity. That’s why this world is cruel. But hey, we are in it so we have to live with it and do it the best way that we can. We don’t need to be cruel to thrive in this world. We can still spread love and kindness despite them not deserving it.
I’m ending 2019 with a thankful heart for all the hard lessons I learned and for all the friendships that I continue to have despite my “exciting” life.