Today is my 5th Birthday!

Today is a very special day for me because I got baptized at this date!  The exact date when I wholeheartedly accepted the Lord in my life was January 23, 2012.  I’m now 5 years old!
While I still hold my biological birthdate dearly, I can’t help but add January 23 to my personal special days ❤️

5 years is already a long time but I still feel that I’m a baby Christian.

• I continue to struggle to understand God’s word.
• I tend to take Him for granted and miss most of my morning revival.
• There are times that I do not give full attention during sunday services.
• I still continue to shy away from praying loudly and I’m really bad at shepherding.  I always have this thinking that I should finish the Bible in its entirety before I have the credibility to share God’s word (this is completely wrong.  That’s why I started to share my learnings from reading His word here in this blog).

However, we all know that we are just human and we need the Lord in our lives.  No matter how much we want to be perfect in His eyes, we are still sinners.  I came to accept that and I’m just happy to be saved!  I love the Lord dearly and I will continue to love Him for eternity!

As I reminisce the day of my baptism five years ago, I’d like to share my journal entry at the time.  It still holds true unto this day 😀

According to my favorite dictionary, Merriam-Webster, Baptism is a Christian sacrament marked by ritual use of water and admitting the recipient to the Christian community and it’s also defined as an act, experience, or ordeal by which one is purified, sanctified, initiated, or named.

When I was an infant, I was already baptized.  It was a tradition that most people follow.  But what happened next?

I rarely prayed.  In fact, I lived most of my life as an agnostic.  I was even an atheist at one time, but when I did pray, it was always to wish that my life would end.

I saw life as a suffering.  I lived a hard life.  I focused on my struggles and challenges in life.  Self-pity became a habit.  I rarely felt loved because whenever I achieved something good, I don’t have anyone to share it with.  I was alone physically and emotionally.

As you can see, my mind’s been filled with thoughts of sorrow and negativity.  It continued when I grew up, though of course I got happy sometimes.  Like for example, when I got to buy my favorite gadget/s. But the feeling of happiness was temporary.

I lived life one day at a time.

When I faced extreme challenges last 2004, I tried to get to know the Lord.  I joined an organization that I ended up judging as a social community rather than a family of Christians.  I left that fellowship and ended up being an atheist for a few months after that.  I’ve been invited to several more ‘Christian’ gatherings, but I always turn them down.

Fast forward to Year 2011, I faced another difficult chapter in my life.  I don’t know what got through me but I learned to open my heart to Christianity again.  When I had lunch with friends, they asked me if I could join their Bible study.  I said yes.  Things that transpired after that were wonderful.  I attended the Bible studies week after week.  I met people who I can feel genuinely loves the Lord.  It changed my outlook on Christian organizations.  For the first time, I felt that there’s a group who’s there to serve the Lord, meeting friends are just a bonus, it didn’t feel like a social organization.  For me, this group was a gathering of true Christians.  I can feel the goodness of their hearts.  I felt welcomed.  I felt that I can grow spiritually through their guidance.  I felt the Lord in them.  The impact was great, far greater than what I expected.

My impression of Christians really changed.

I started opening up. For the first time, I felt… hope.  I may be working on my spiritual life. I may be changing my outlook in life.  In one of the Bible study sessions that I attended, I witnessed a baptism ceremony.  It was a declaration that they are abandoining their old lives and they are embracing life with the Lord. They asked if I would like to join them.  At the time, I wasn’t simply ready. I felt too much of a sinner. I said to myself that I’ll finish reading the Bible and be a better person before I go that route.

Last December, I got sick. I got admitted to the hospital for a week. I hated it. I NEVER ever want to be confined in a hospital. I know I don’t have a family here in the Philippines. I was already expecting a miserable life in the hospital. I may have some friends who would visit me, but I’m sure it’ll be a one day thing. I would be facing weird looks and facial expressions from hospital staff wondering why a person like me don’t have a family to take care of me.

But I wasn’t alone!!!  I have a family in Christ 😍  Everyday, I get visitors who brought me food, having fellowship with me, reading Bible verses for me and sending me love and care.  It was overwhelming, and I was truly humbled!  I then realized that God is with us.  We may not see Him but we certainly feel him.

I came to also realize that I’ll never be perfect.  There will never come a time that I can say that I’m completely a good person.  We are all sinners.  We don’t follow the commandments everyday.  Thou shall not lie, right?  But we always utter white lies in order to prevent conflict.  Thou shall love your neighbors right?  But every single day, we judge people and we criticize them (consciously or not).