Digital Body Language

Sharing my learnings from the book, Digital Body Language by Erica Dhawan

Digital Body Language by Erica Dhawan

Humans rely on body language to connect and build trust, but with most of our communication happening from behind a screen, traditional body language signals are no longer visible — or are they? In Digital Body Language, Erica Dhawan, a go-to thought leader on collaboration and a passionate communication junkie, combines cutting edge research with engaging storytelling to decode the new signals and cues that have replaced traditional body language across genders, generations, and culture. In real life, we lean in, uncross our arms, smile, nod and make eye contact to show we listen and care. Online, reading carefully is the new listening. Writing clearly is the new empathy. And a phone or video call is worth a thousand emails.

Digital Body Language will turn your daily misunderstandings into a set of collectively understood laws that foster connection, no matter the distance. Dhawan investigates a wide array of exchanges―from large conferences and video meetings to daily emails, texts, IMs, and conference calls―and offers insights and solutions to build trust and clarity to anyone in our ever changing world.

• By mastering your digital body language, you’ll save time, worry less, and ensure your voice comes across loud and clear – no matter the physical distance.
• We send each other an unbelievable amount of messages every day. And a lot of these messages are taken the wrong way. According to the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the tone of our emails is misinterpreted 50 percent of the time!
• Anthropologist Edward T. Hall had a name for the nonverbal cues – things like eye contact, smiles, pauses, yawns, tone, volume, posture, and proximity – which make up nearly three-quarters of face-to-face communication. He called them “the silent language.” 
• Problem is, the silent language isn’t exactly visible from behind a screen. And the gap between intention and interpretation in the digital world is only made bigger by the online disinhibition effect.
• Onscreen, your physical body language translates into punctuation, timing, and medium.
  • The period was arguably once the world’s most boring piece of punctuation, used to denote that a sentence had ended. But today, the little black dot has taken on an outsized and often-unintended meaning
  • exclamation points have gone from conveying emphasis, urgency, or excitement to also being used as a general indicator of friendliness; you risk being seen as cold if you don’t use exclamation points. 
  • the time it takes you to press Send signals respect. Digital conversations are often asynchronous, meaning they don’t happen in “real time.”
  • the medium you choose indicates how much you prioritize a conversation. Each channel – be it email, text, or phone – has its own underlying subtexts. Learning how to effectively wield this complex arsenal is a sign of professionalism.
• four laws of digital body language
  • unstated appreciation needs to become stated in today’s world. Valuing Visibly means honing new skills to proactively show you value others’ contributions and understand their needs. 
    • demonstrate awareness by practicing radical recognition and honoring others’ time. not delaying your email responses, canceling meetings at short notice, or multitasking during conference calls
    • acknowledging individual character differences.
    • displaying appreciation
  • communicating carefully involves making a concerted effort to curb misunderstandings by always being as clear as possible. 
    • become discerning with things like word choice, punctuation, nuance, and humor.
    • it’s essential to read the room – that is, tailor your tone to your audience. Think about how what you’re saying may come across, especially based on your rank. And always remember, when communicating with your boss or colleagues, err on the side of neutrality.
    • be conscious of the channel you’re using. Length, complexity, and familiarity – with both the topic and recipient – should factor into your choice.
    • Always be aware of your message’s visual impact; the last thing you want to do is overwhelm your audience.
    • If you’re confused by a message, ask follow-up questions. If the medium’s not working, switch it up; If tone’s the problem, assume the intentions were good, and respond with facts. 
  • Consistency is a hallmark of Collaborating Confidently. Missed or muddled messages can cause confusion, leading to canceled meetings, inaction, or even chaos.
    • To keep teams informed and up-to-date with what’s happening, check-in with them regularly.
    • To stay on track, it’s important to set explicit goals from the get-go – ask yourself and each other What does success look like? – and remember to define thoughtful timeframes and expectations
    • you make yourself available for questions; after all, team members are more likely to stay motivated if they can reach you.
    • We all know that answering messages when you’re tired, frustrated, or angry will just lead to wasted time; so don’t do it! save your email as a draft, and wait up to 24 hours – a totally acceptable timeframe – to revise and send it. Hopefully, by then, you’ll no longer be stewing under a gray cloud.
  • When you can Trust Totally, you can take calculated risks while knowing your teammates will support you and work together to achieve success.
    • emphasize vulnerability. Leading by example makes it easier for team members to embrace the uncertainty of discomfort.
    • empower others. This involves entrusting them fully with their work, and providing them the means to complete it.
    • Remember to criticize the action – not the person. continue to show support.
• The digital workplace can flatten traditional gender biases. It presents an unprecedented way for women to share authority in a male-dominated workforce. That’s because written words deemphasize traditional signs of leadership like voice timbre. 
• it’s important to be true to your authentic self, but also to adapt to the tone of your workplace. Not using softening exclamations can cause anxiety among colleagues; simply changing an OK to an OK, great!, for example, can build camaraderie and go a long way in boosting your team’s trust and engagement.
• Communication experts generally divide the world into two types of cultural expression.
  • High-context cultures – countries in Africa, Asia, the Middle East, the Mediterranean, Central Europe, and Latin America – rely on implicit communication and nonverbal cues.
  • low-context cultures – most English-speaking Western countries, including the US and the UK – explicit verbal communication is essential.
• To thrive in high-context cultures, read between the lines, build long-term relationships, and employ face-to-face and phone interactions to foster trust. Begin emails with a polite greeting, followed by the question at hand, and then a personal note, like How was your holiday? Be aware of hierarchies – that might mean cc’ing a manager.
• With low-context cultures, to-the-point emails and messages can be enough to build strong relationships. Use bold text and bullet points to highlight details, only agree to tasks you actually plan on pursuing, and don’t mix business with pleasure – oh, and make sure all your messages are legible on a smartphone!
• Your generation also informs how you use and perceive communication devices. So ask yourself: Are you a digital native or a digital adapter? For someone who’s grown up texting, emails are considered formal, and receiving a phone call out of the blue can trigger panic. But for someone who’s had to adapt to digital interfaces later in life, emails are casual convos and phone calls are a cinch.
• don’t be afraid to discuss differences. As with all communication, a curious rather than accusing mindset is key. In other words, a question mark / is better than an exclamation point /– period.