I’ve been doing year in review for 3 years now and it’s always good to reflect what the year it was… So here it is, at the last day of the year 2020, I’m sharing what I accomplished based on the goals I set during the first day of the year… this year I must say is…. quite difficult and I didn’t expect it to be that way… anyway, here goes….
I entered the year with hope… In fact, my mantra for the year was supposed to be embracing happiness. However, this is again the 4th year where sadness has consumed me… and I’m partly to blame as I trusted the wrong people… I know better now and I’m going to stop blaming myself for trusting and caring too much to the point that I’m blinded to see the true nature of their being. And yet again, I’m reminded how good of a decision it was to leave the cult church.
COVID happened and since end February, I was alone literally and figuratively. I’ve been living alone for the longest time but I always dine out or go window shopping or go nature tripping (even alone) to recharge and destress. With the situation now, I couldn’t do those at all… and that cost me greatly.
Being betrayed greatly and being so freaking tired of how cruel this world is made me want to end my life. Not to mention, my trauma from years ago has been triggered. And yes, I almost jumped off the building towards the last quarter of the year. I was in a dark place and I was just so tired of living in this world meant for the privileged and the powerful. I got so consumed by my pain and tiredness that I failed to see the blessing that I have in my life. The fact that I got my eyes opened to the real nature of the people around me is a good thing itself. I got to stay away from bad people and I can start fresh and be a lil more appreciative of the good people I have in life.
Life definitely cannot guarantee that I won’t get hurt again or I’ll get blinded again by the hypocrisy of some people but the greatest lesson I take away is that I shall accept life as it is. And I shall not let this cruel world change me. I will continue to care and love my family, my friends and everyone else I choose to stay in my life. If I make a mistake again, I’ll just move on, take the lessons with me and just be thankful that I got to walk away from it.
This is definitely a hard year for me and I barely survived.
PROGRESS REPORT:
Home Declutter & Organization – I made huge progress here. Finally finished the balcony setup! I became a plantita, hahaha!
However, home declutter and organization is still very far off. I will have to continue this work in 2021.
Save up & Spend wisely – I failed at saving up as I got a lil addicted to food deliveries and online shopping. I will seriously work on this next year 🙂
Build & Nurture Relationships – I started this a bit late (just this december) as I wasted a bulk of my time caring for the wrong people. And after surviving the dark period, I finally have clarity. I’m deliberately choosing only a few people to nurture and care for. I’m glad I’m still alive to do this.
Another big step I took in this is that I got Cody, my super duper cutie doggie! I became a fur mom and even though it’s hard, I love it! Non-stop cuddle and love for both of us! ❤️
Self-Care – this is a hit and miss. I got to keep my ideal weight but I wasn’t able to do exercise at all and my sleep has become pathetically bad (I’m now running 2-4 hours of sleep in a day). I’m still trying to figure out how to solve this but I won’t stop trying.
People say that we should always be positive. However, I believe that we should go through the process in order to heal completely. I’m on my way there and I’m hopeful that 2021 will be a better year.
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